Confrontation

Confrontation Life can be hard sometimes when it comes to dealing with other people’s thoughts and feelings. Most people “walk on eggshells” around others Just to make sure no feelings are hurt. But, in the long run we are only hurting each other by not opening up and discussing the situation and a solution. To be open and truthful to anyone or any situation is a good trait characteristic for any person to have in life. My first person that I knew was my number one to confront is a boy by the name of Colon, also known as my ex-fiance.

We were dating for about 3 years and engaged for a year until about in the end of December 2013 1 realized that I did not want to marry him or anybody for that matter. I honestly deep down never wanted to marry him and still cannot tell you why it ended up lasting that long. I wouldn’t say that it was a bad breakup either. He understood and was accepting, I thought. Until, on my first date with someone else he stalked me and followed us around. After that point on he became obsessive at belittling and slandering my name all over social media sites.

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I asked Colon if we could maybe meet up for coffee one afternoon, to which he easily agreed. Upon meeting him, I felt no awkwardness or feelings whatsoever. After the standard small talk I got down to business. I used my I-statement, saying, “Colon, I feel a little hurt and almost betrayed because on the one hand you said that there were no hard feelings and you understood why we couldn’t be together. You seemed to want to be friends still and were acting very cool. Then on the other hand I saw that you were posting some very rude and untrue things about me on faceable and Witter.

Why is that? ” Colon kind of nodded and stated that he was the one who felt betrayed on how quickly I moved on with other men (which I regretfully told him). He also said how he felt that our relationship meant more to him than me, that is why it affected him and I was an “emotionless robot”. Which I can agree on were all true statements. He said that twitter and faceable were like his personal diary where he can vent all of his feelings. I did apologize on that I did move on very quickly but I couldn’t help to feeling nothing for him so what was the point to sulk around?

He seemed to be doing pretty fine though which he agreed saying there is nothing left to hold on to so what’s the point? I politely asked Colon if he would stop saying such things about me on these sites where everyone can see it. That to some people who saw and believe in such nonsense would look at me different. He agreed and apologized saying that he did regret putting most of the comments on there and that it was childish. After that we talked like normal about how life was going and what we have been up to. I have not yet seen any other comments about me!

It was tough to Indo a second person to confront because I didn’t feel the need to talk to anybody about anything that was bothering me. There was one random person that I could think of that has recently come into my life. I work at Mckay Dee Hospital as a phlebotomy’s and there is a very cute nurse there named Ryan. We have been talking lately, hanging out, and going on dates. Well, then a coworker told me a little rumor that Ryan happened to be married. I realized then that yes, that is something that really needs to have a confrontation. One day Ryan and I hung out and went for a elk around the local duck pond.

We were actually discussing this paper and how I need to find someone else to confront. “Confront me! ” he exclaimed. “Alright, I am a little worried because I feel like you are not being completely honest with me. You act very flirtatious to me and yet I heard that you happen to actually be married. ” Ryan paused for about a second and Just replied with a miss, I am. ” I asked if he was happily married then which he replied with a no. We then discussed to why he was in such an unhappy marriage which sounded like result from getting married too young.

It did feel really good to get that off of my chest and find out the real reasons as to why he was talking to me and know that he wasn’t a cold-hearted son of a pitch. Even though it is not completely innocent situation I know that there are reasons why he is doing this, which made me feel a little better. For the third person we had to choose somebody from our group. I couldn’t Just pick one person. I felt like I needed a whole group discussion for this. Now, I am not saying that groups don’t ever have problems. I feel as though our group does not give an astonishing effort for much at all.

We all come to class and then go about our busy lives. That is why we don’t have to many problems because none of us seem to care. I told our group that I feel we all are pretty busy, which is a shame, that we never get together and discuss topics of class. I feel as if we come to class, say a couple of words to each other, say our goodbyes when class is done, then repeat until next class time. They all seemed to agree that maybe it’s time to start getting together especially since our group project and final group paper will be coming up shortly.

Since then we have done our group revere project which I can honestly say was the most fun I have had in a little while. Our group became very close that day as we all Joked around and got to know one another. There are many tools for communication. Many people don’t even know they use in their daily life. These tools help many to understand each other in an effective way. Some of these tools include perception checking, which is the process of clarifying a nonverbal cue that was received by stating what behavior was observed, giving interpretations and asking the message sender for clarification of nonverbal u.

I see this one as a very major useful tool in communication. More people need to learn that this tool can help all different kind of situations. Most rash and not to smart decision are based upon not understanding non-verbal cues or taking them in the wrong way. People Judge others based off non-verbal behaviors, but don’t take the time to look into what they are really thinking. I didn’t have to use much perception checking on Colon because all of his cues were not non-verbal, but actual thoughts posted all over the internet. That made it easy to know how he really felt, which I had to directly confront.

Another communication tool is self-disclosure, which is the act of revealing more about oneself to others which includes thoughts, feelings, goals, fears, and dreams. This one is also very important for growing healthy relationship. To really show somebody you care use self-disclosure. This opens up oneself to others so they can get to know the real you and become much closer in similarities. Whether truthfulness is a good trait or not, it is easier said then done. Most, like me, have fear of confrontation because of the thought of something said to e taken wrong or offend someone.

But, I have learned that if you approach it in a certain way (especially with I-statements) and have a positive caring attitude, it eases the tension of any situation. I have realized that talking and being open to people solves more problems than cause any. I can honestly say that I feel a lot better and it has improved my life to have discuss these issue with these people. I have never been one of self-disclosure but, my ways are starting to change in light of this new concept, which I believe is going to be one of the most important tools I can have in life.

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Sarah
Danielle
Wilson
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